Thursday, April 25, 2013

My Anxiety and Praying through it!

 Who Knew This Move Was Going to Stress Me Out So Much!

Stressed out photo: stressed out stressed.jpg

Yep its crept back in on me... usually I am the most calm and cool head person you'll ever meet. I love to laugh and bring joy to others around me. I can't seem to keep it cool lately. Its This MOVE! I have moved many times in my life. As a child we easily had about 10 places I lived before I turned 18. I moved across the country at 19- with just what fit in our car at the time. Lived in 2 different places in Idaho. Then moved in my first trimester of my 1st born all the way down to San Diego. Lived there in California and lived in 4 places there. Living here in Arizona we have had 6 homes.

It is a big move, but this time its un-nerving me! I have made lists, I have started process of everything that needs to get done. But I think its more of a mind game with myself that's being played. I went in for my routine check with my doctor for my back and such, and for the first time she could see that my blood pressure that is normally way low (like I said even if I'm stressed before I still maintain low blood pressure and keep my cool), was elevated up more then she would like. She asked me what has me so rattled. So I gave her the list and she then saw tears well up in my eyes. Its very overwhelming this time. I know in my Christian walk that God gives us our needs and its not always on our time, but I really need some reinforcement at this point. I just need one thing to be checked off my list. Each time I try to do this - it fails. ( she gave me anxiety/panic attack pills but suggest to be-careful  taking them because they could make me sleepy- which can't really happen being I have 2 kids to take care of)

Simple things as getting boxes from my local grocer I have supported for at least 3 yrs now and when we lived by it a few years back another 2 before that.... can't handle saving boxes for me! I asked and did as they said, then arrived the next morning 8 am sharp to just have nothing. Asked if they could be saved again for me the next day, called this time and nothing. Spoke to a Manager who assured me there would be some the following day (3rd try) called again and nothing. WHY?? Such a simple task you'd think there would no problem.

Next I'm trying to find the best moving you know how difficult this is. I've never had to pack and have someone else move my stuff. We would always just rent a truck. I'm so overwhelmed with trying to find the right fit for our families needs and in budget!

Housing is another major thing. A family recommend agent was given to me to use, but he hasn't been able to get a home in our area. Plus the area were moving to has different school schedule then we do here. So we get out in May and they get out in June. Its just a month you say yes.. but ppl don't give up their rentals usually until school is out to move so finding a place for June is not happening so easily. Plus where we need to lived to be half way between the boys' school and our church, plus the area that would be a great place for us to be is a coveted area to live in. So pricing has gone up and little to no rentals available at this time. 

It doesn't help this time around I don't have my husband to help me make decisions, pack, make phone calls, or any of the other things on the list, because he's at our current designation already working. Which also makes it even harder being come this Friday it has been 5 months since myself and the boys have seen him. Which is truly a great test on our marriage and strain too for our family.

Do you see where my FRUSTRATION is coming from. I feel like I'm failing or if not that feeling its that I'm not being productive and moving forward. I like things to be organized not just flying by the seat of my pants on things like this. 

Now onto the hard part. Trying to regain myself in the Lord and Pray through this. I know he knows my needs and I know that he has let all come together before... but this is where I've been strong before by just relying on him. This time around I'm struggling. 
Praying photo: praying praying.gif

So I am taking deep breaths, praying, and hoping that the whole process of this move doesn't land my bottom in the ER with heart troubles.

Well here's to hoping something turns up right in the next few days, I've asked for new boxes at a different store and I'm gonna try to get my boy's school admission squared away, and possibly get my correct quote and move in the next few days. 

To my readers who believe and would pray for myself and my family. That would be such a blessing! 

Till Next Time ~ Corey

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